I hate your face
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
