We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
