member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
