how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
