I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
