We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
