I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
