Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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