I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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