The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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