Ambien. No doubt about it.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
