It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
