he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
