When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
