just come out here and I will go home with you...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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