i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
