dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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