Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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