I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
