That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
