There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
