Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize