so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
