When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
