i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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