thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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