PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
