Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
