It's like God shit irony all over that family
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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