thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
