is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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