The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
