i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
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Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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