I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
