A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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