Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
