Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
