we're chasing vodka with high fives
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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