Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
