Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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