just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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