Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Your dad touched me again.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
