genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
