Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
