Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
