A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
