i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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