You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
