I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Randomize
