....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize