you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
