I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
