what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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