I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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