i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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