great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
