There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you would pick up someone in the library
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
