Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
