Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You ruined the universe
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
