Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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