I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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