Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
