my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
and she was petting her beer can
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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