They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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