I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
