Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
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I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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