My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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