remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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