I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
