Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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